Yes, that’s a good movie, but that’s not what this post is about. It’s.. about time – I’ve moved out and am getting a divorce 6 weeks from tomorrow. If you’ve read my blog at all, I said I wouldn’t get a divorce, because of the kids and for financial reasons.
Well, 2 days before my birthday, my wife threatened me with a divorce again. Then she started with her all-to-common list of all the “horrible” things I do (i.e. give her a budget, tell the kids no, etc.). I rebutted with that I needed her to see me as my partner, see me as her equal, not demean me in front of the kids. She said she had nothing to work on and does everything right. So – I said then I guess the only other choice IS a divorce.
Reason one, because of the kids: My daughter returned to counseling and told the counselor she wanted us to divorce. The same counselor met with my wife, once, and later told me she has no idea how I’m this emotionally intact after dealing with her for years. So, the plan was in motion – I’d be out by January. Now even the kids realized how indifferent, how toxic the house had become, so it was time.
Reason two, financial constraints: Divo and I tried to divide up the debt. She blamed me.. she blamed me for all our debt WE had accumulated over the last 20+ years. She tried to say I had to pay back all the debt, AND the house. So, instead – we filed chapter 13, and only have the house (and Ch13 trustee) to pay now. So, the plan was still in motion.
I spoke with a lawyer before I moved out. I cannot afford the attorney, but she advised me to hurry up and file before moving out so Divo didn’t accuse me of abandonment. I found there is a free law help center in my town and they helped me file everything. I went ahead and filed the child support paperwork as well. We will have (per the kids request, no matter how hard it was for Divo to swallow it) 50/50. So… I only have to pay her $59 a month. However, I’m paying her $200 a month.
Last week, I got her “response” to all of this. Apparently she used a friend of a friend who is a paralegal to help file it. I wish I knew HER name b/c I doubt her law firm would appreciate the illegality of helping her free of charge. Anyway, she did what she always does – rack up debt, and want me to pay it. Her response included a) she wants me to pay her lawyer fees (even though we, or I, are not using a lawyer) and b) alimony. Here in my state, that’s not mandatory and requires her filing the proper paperwork, which she has not done. Plus, she’s working, so won’t be getting much… oh, PLUS?? lol – she’s keeping the car, the house, the 5 tvs, all the furniture, the…. well, she’s keeping it ALL. So, good luck!
So, that’s the update on the process, now the update on me. I’m still working my main job, but have been working “part time” at an animal shelter. I say “part time” b/c I’ve managed to pull in 30-49 hours a week (on top of my other job). I love this job, I wish it could be my only job, but it can’t pay the bill. However, this is the MOST rewarding job I’ve ever had. Damn, I love this job. Plus? It helps me buy all the things I need for this new apartment for the kids and I. PLUS – I love it. 🙂
Update on Nava? Oh, sure, let’s see – ironically my wife started going to a new church…. the one where Nava is employed. She and her husband both tried to convince me to convince them to have her not go there (silly them, thinking she’d listen to me). I finally called Nava and told her of the pending moving out, the pending divorce, all of it. She said she was sorry, but that’s about it.
My first night in the apartment, I got drunk, very drunk, intentionally. Since then, i go into each day smiling, ready for what awaits me. I’m not dating yet, I will wait (yes, I’m aware of the irony) until I’m fully divorced. I enjoy this clean break… I enjoy my kids… I enjoy my 2nd job… I enjoy life.
I still love Nava. I still care for Divo, she’s the mother of my kids. I hope they are both happy…